whatever suits you
by Sana-hydeist
Summary: So this is just a series of drabbles, i just wanna take requests and make them into chaps. Be it a song, just a word... Anything (of course details too are welcome, i just wanna work on writing and creativity so ... ) Ok so this is gonna be a multi-coupled fic ... Can it even be called a fic ? Rather yaoi oneshots


First things first! MERRY CHRISTMAS !

This oneshot contains spoilers of chapter 49 of shingeki no kyojin U've been warned _

erwin pov

"humanity's strongest" ... yeah, that's what he's called.i don't even know his full name, i wonder if even HE knows ... he never told me anyway... I just call him Levi."Captain" when we're with others, Others that aren't Hanji or Mike.

I think the way I say his name pretty much conveys my feelings for him. Sometimes I can see Hanji giving me one of her compassionate looks-, and I just know I must have said it in an overly attached way. Does he even realize ? Can he hear how my voice wraps around his name each time I utter it? Can he feel the wave of protectiveness and fear of losing him that overwhelms me each time I try to hold him back? stop him from going outside the walls, " be careful" ... it's ridiculous how much it pains me to say these words...How much i wanna pretend he's just going on a stroll... How much I wanna exclude that "endangering his life" part... To think that I'm the one putting him in danger, it makes it harder to have him around. Does he realize How much I regret dragging him in the survey corps. How much self-restrain I must pull to not hug him and instead stop myself at just patting his shoulder? Does he notice how my hand trembles on his joint before I pull it back? Does he notice me watching his back as he walks through the gates? into the titans' palms ? Does he notice how much I try to keep myself from checking his body for any eventual wounds once he's back? My face when I don't see any and how I ask " are you ok ? ", waiting for him ... no! wishing with all my might for him to be ok. Has he never wondered why my face morphs from anxiousness to relief when he finally says "yes" ?

I don't think he does. I don't think he cares enough to notice. Sure, he trusts me. I at least managed to win his trust. But that's not reason enough to think he studies my every move- I'm trying to be the least obvious about it anyway- But even if he did, it would be arrogant of me to want him to feel the started off with him hating me and promising to kill me after all. Levi is awkward, always angry about God know what, anxious, extremely vulgar, doesn't pull back his punches, but if anything: honest ... He wouldn't leave me hanging when he knows how I feel about him.

he's humanity's strongest... Im humaniy's Hope ... That's all there is to it.

.

I don't think I ever felt so terrified in my whole existence. Am I gonna die? It feels like I'm dying though... Did I lose too much blood ? I can hear faint voices telling me to hold on, to stay awake ... Telling me we're drawing closer to the walls, that a doctor would be taking care of my wounds soon...

The only thing playing again and again in my head though is how the giant teeth broke through my skin, flesh and bones ...Arg ! It hurts... It fucking hurts... Did the men I had sent to their deaths die in a painful slow manner? Feeling each and every wound on them? Waiting for help that never came? Or were they lucky enough to just be engulfed in darkness, with the notorious slow motion and life re-playing in their last moments? Funny how I never thought about that before... Never thought of how they would die... Just counted the deaths... Going through the never-ending lists of casualties, just feeling immensely thankful for not having to see those so familiar letters inked among the names of those who didn't make it back home. I felt guilty of feeding them to the titans, but Levi was safe. And I wouldn't wish for more... Levi ...

I wake up again, surrounded by the familiar setting of my room...I'm not dead. Hhhh so I made it... How ironic is that? The bastard who recrutes soldiers , practically kills them, then sends a cold death-notice to their families, survives a titan's bite. A bite that could have easily chopped off his head...

A hand closes on mine and I look up. Levi... Levi like I've never seen him: dishelved hair, dark rings circling his eyes, even paler, unshaved face, no uniform, black jacket and white shirt underneath it,The usual Pursed lips, scowl... Bolo tie

He looks up :

-Ten days.

Huh ?

-You've been unconscious for ten days. We thought you wouldn't make it.

I try to speak, nothing comes out of my mouth... I try to reach out for him and wince...Argh !

-tsk, Don't move! you just got your shot, the pain killers should already be kicking in but doc' said not to push your luck. Also... He says you probably won't be able to talk for a while... Just go back to sleep.

It's so easy to fall back asleep... Doesn't seem like I slept for 10 days ... I just close my eyes and already start floating... I m barely feeling the pain. Appearently, if I don't move, it doesn't hurt... I ll keep that in mind next time I wake up, "if" I wake up ... I no longer care though, I m too tired for that... Only thing I care about now is Levi's hand not releasing mine...

Each time I woke up I found Levi sitting on a chair on my left side... He hasn't taken my hand in his though... Not once since that first time. We felt back into an easy routine: I wake up, he tells me whatever the doctor said, fills me out on what happenned with the survey corps ...Seems like I've still not been demoted from my position. I'm surprised at how pleased I am at that thought. Appearently, I don't want anyone else to command my troupes, no, most importantly, no one else should be allowed to order Levi around, to have a say in his life, let alone in his life and death... I'm getting greedier each day I swear.

At first, I was listening and just nodding my head motioning for him to go on... Later on, I regained the ability to utter short syllables, so I started expressing myself in short one-syllable words. Then, could communicate through sentences. Levi has been by my side all through the phases of my recovery. He had my back... Not complaining even once about how long it took for me to even speak, or how broken and, in no way befitting Of a commander, my voice first sounded. And I started wondering... Maybe I was wrong after all...

I just needed to ask... To make sure. And once I started thinking about it, I started taking notice of small gestures Levi made... Like always making sure to sit on my left, always being there when I woke up, looking me in the eyes as if to tell me everything would be alright each time I was reminded of the loss of my arm... Or How he'd have my pain killers and water ready whenever I winced... And somehow I started planning how I would bring it up... As soon as possible! .

.

I still don't have a plan. I m surprised at how much of a chicken I am, I am still as determined, just not as daring, as when I first thought about this. And before I realized it, I started pretending to sleep, wishing to catch him secretly holding my hand. Ridiculous... levi is no coward! No matter how much I wished for it, he never did. So I took up the habit of turning my head left before waking up; opening my eyes to study his expression wanting to see his face morphing into his original scowl-supposing he looked at me differently in my sleep.I WANTED to wake up to one smile of his ! I never did ... One loving look... Not even that. Even a sad expression, huh ... I'm getting desperate.

As usual Levi looks at me with... Care. Of course he cares, or he wouldn't be here !

What are we ?

I notice his surprised look and I realize I said that aloud. He stares at me for a while and before I can take that back he says...

-Whatever suits you.

That's all ? All he has to say ?A strong hand catches my throat... I choke on my words and just sink ... He doesn't care.

He seems to notice-for once- and starts muttering:

-No, Erwin ... I didn't mean it that way... It's not... ANYTHING is fine... I...

- I love you.

I blurt out yet again catching myself off guard.

His face breaks into a smile and I hear the words I have longed for. .

.  
>End. .<p>

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No promt i wrote this on my own^^

It's a bit cheesy but i find myself growing fonder of this oneshot each time i write/edit bits of it.

Turned out longer than i thought but i'm pretty satisfied with how it came out. There are far too many eruri pics ... Not that it's bad or anything... But it makes it harder for me to choose. I ended up using this one... Cos it enhances their captain-commander , Both are looking in the same direction. Although neither of them knows... Levi has his back to erwin and i like to think he's consciously doing that, perhaps in attempt to hide his feelings... Who knows

Tell me what you think ^^ 


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